My pity party

My pity party

I have just seen this:

  
After a massive argument/ discussion about life and future with my beloved last night, this picture has actually calmed me down!

I was emotional because another friend got engaged and another friend is pregnant- after a year of being with their partners.

I’ve been with my beloved for seven years.

After three months of being together my father passed away. After six months, my grandmother passed away. It hasn’t been easy.

We had a massive argument one day due to the fact that I was a mess and he couldn’t deal with the grief, and split up for almost a year.

Then he came back and we have been together again for almost four years.

However there is no hint of a future. When I asked him he replies ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I suppose’. I’m not sure this is enough for me.

I also did that ‘thing’. That ‘thing’ where I compare my life to other people’s lives. I look at all the things I don’t have and feel sorry for myself.

These days are very few but it’s horrible when it does happen. I am usually very grateful and thankful for my life, because I know it is special, I also know it can be snatched away without warning.

I treasure life and I have certain things that I would like to do or achieve.

For example, I wanted to go to university- so I did.  I wanted to buy a house- so I did. I wanted to see a bit of the world- so I did.

I set myself goals and I reach them.

However, there are certain goals I can not reach alone. Marriage and kids for example.

So when my beloved ‘doesn’t know’ if he wants these things with me, it makes me very upset.

I am however grateful for all those special moments we have shared together and I hope there may be many more. Maybe even one day as Mr & Mrs.

Stay positive.

Laura xx

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