grief is such a difficult and personal thing.
No two people will ever have the same experience and I think it would be wrong to assume so.
I lost my beloved father a while back. Due to the fact that my life was a blur for a few years after he was suddenly snatched from me, I can’t even tell you how long I have been with out him. I think it’s about five years.
I will never ever get over it, and if one more person tells me time is a healer, I shall pick up the nearest chair and smack them in the chops.
Recently some one in work lost their dad and their reaction was so different to mine, completely different. It made me think.
I took two weeks off work when my dad passed away, and went back to it after that and didn’t want any one to acknowledge me. I over heard a few people commenting on my drastic weight loss and all I thought was ‘well, at least something good has come out of this. I lost some weight.’
What a way to deal with things!
As the years have gone on, it has been harder and harder for me. I watch my friends get married, have kids and adoring grandparents.
I listen to how they moan about their parents coming over to do DIY.
I listen to them talk about all the things they get to do together with their dad, with totally green eyes, I am ashamed to admit.
As it is coming up to Father’s Day, I start to lock myself away to avoid all the happy families out and about celebrating their full and happy lives, with their complete families.
Then I stop myself. I have no idea what their lives are like. I have no idea of their happiness or perhaps their misery. I just assume that because their family unit looks complete that they have a perfect life.
This is what my grief is.
My grief is locked up and only rears itself up in private or during an argument. It makes me feel even more sorry for myself on a bad day.
However, most of the time I want to make my dad proud.
I don’t want to waste a single day, which is why I am constantly busy.
I think about it all the time, and I love it when a memory becomes unlocked and I get to reminisce over the good times I was lucky enough to have with him.
What I am trying to say is grief is very personal. I want to deal with mine by myself. Other people may not.
Just because I don’t cry in front of you doesn’t mean I’m not hurting.
Just because some one breaks down at work because it’s still too raw does not mean they are weak.
For me, I love it when people remember something about my dad and tell me about it. It makes me realise he touched so many people.
I don’t want people to ignore the fact that he was here and now he’s not. I want to celebrate him.
I also don’t want to hear a cliché, however others might find this comforting.
When you are dealing with some one who is grieving, you may find it hard to say the right thing.
Cry with them, soothe them, comfort them. But don’t tell them how they should be feeling.
Sometimes it’s best to say nothing at all.
Just being there, making a cuppa and watching shit TV in pjs together, is comfort enough.
Actions speak louder than words.
So this Father’s Day, why not take a minute and drop a text to a friend who may find this day difficult.
Sometimes just getting a little 💗 text is so precious, because some one has taken a second of their day to let them know that they are thinking about you.
Look after each other